Uncharted

So low, never knew how much I didn't know,
Oh, everything is uncharted.
I know I'm getting nowhere, when I only sit and stare like..

4th October. Rough day. Disappointment, procrastination, anger.

Do you ever have one of those days where you don't feel like doing anything at all? Nothing seems to be falling in place and you can't pin point what would make it better? Not even food. We all know food makes things better but no, not this time.

I've been "all talk no action" for a very long time and I think it finally hit me today, that if I don't push myself, I'm just going to be stuck at this very crap pace and will be complaining to myself about how I wish I could do it, but I don't end up working towards doing it.

Compare where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere

Writing this and telling you this feels useless, feels like more talk. I mean, I do want to keep a track of both my highs and lows and see if there is a way to fix it. I remember seeing a thing that said something the along the lines of  "Don't tell people your problems because 80% don't care and 20% are glad you have it"

I'm going refute that statement because I reached out to 2 people today and honestly, it lifted the mood. It did help.

Today after feeling like crap the whole day, my mom told me there were some puppies near by so I went down for a walk and decided to call an old friend. Let me tell you how good it was to be outside, trying to coax puppies to come to you and failing haha, taking in the sunset and talking to someone who just gets you.

So walking outside, talking to people always helps. Also, the soundtrack from One Tree Hill works too :)

Take the world by storm

I'm writing this as I sit in the Campus Radio studio. We can't go on air today because there is an event happening outside. Some people on campus already hate us due to the fact we have crappy speakers. Hey, the DJ's can't do anything about it ok :P You've got to talk to management about it.

I was listening to Lukas Graham's 'Take the world by storm' and I was thinking about how I wanted to live in the states for a year. There is no way I'd migrate there because, Malaysia is always going to be home for me. Even if it's turmoil.

The reason for living in the US for a year was to attend the events I would like to someday hold here in Malaysia *cough* courtesy of Genius at work. ;) Flying back and fourth might be even more expensive, but I haven't done the calculations just yet. :P

Looking at the costs, damn son, I'm going to need about RM100k or so. That's for rent for a year, at 800$ a month, 1250$ a month for food, travel and all that haha. Where on earth am I going to get that sort of money! So I pushed the idea at the back of my head for a bit. Maybe get GAW up and running and just save money. See in a couple of years if I still want to do it.

I do want to take the world by storm and I know I will be able to do it, I just need to push myself. Hustle is the word. If you want it, go for it, right? However, I know my weakness is procrastination.

:(

The worst thing is that, I've talked about how I want to change (for years) and yet I'm still where I am, standing still.

Hustle is going to be a very important thing this semester because I'm writing a research paper for my Final Year Project. *yikes* Who knows, maybe if I hustle enough with my FYP, I might find enough of that hustle to push towards making things and not worry about perfection.

I honestly don't know what's holding me back, but I'm pretty sure it's being lazy. Also the fact that I have to edit my vlogs and see my face :P It's not self hate but it might sound like it. We all know that we are our own worst critics.

Be fearless Suemitraa, you can do it! 

OMG It's May! But I wrote this in March.

As usual, the year is flying by! Here's what's new with me;

1. This article on procrastination is on point and you should check it out.
http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

There are a total of 3 articles, one leading up to the other, do read it if you feel you procrastinate. It surely helped me :)

2. I want to get my website up and running and start getting my internets on. Aside from the fact that I'm letting you down, yes you, reading this, I'm also letting myself down. Setting myself up for expectations and not bothering about it.

3. I just saw the work load for this semester. Suffice to say, if I make it out of this semester alive, I will throw a party :P

For the first time in my degree life, I passed all my subjects last semester! Hurray! It's a rare thing, because I usually end up flunking 1 paper or so, then resit it and sometimes I pass, and sometimes I don't.

I need to learn to be a better human. Gonna end it there. Trying to surprise you guys this weekend. Let's see how that goes.

Happy New Year 2016!

Hello Internet! It has been far too long since I last wrote a blog piece. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

I was watching a video from Casey Neistat today. This vlog here.

 

At some where a little after 3:30, Casey mentions a quote,

"Never let perfect be the enemy of good enough"

Watching that entire clip of Casey talking about this, got me thinking about how I do things. My past vlogs have been mediocre. All I remember was, wanting to get it uploaded before Wednesday was over, as it was a Vlog On Wednesday. Perfection was NEVER a thing with it. I just wanted it to be up. There was no standard for my vlogs. Now when I look back, oi, that has to change.

This year, I'm trying to see what medium works best for me and my craft. In the hope, of putting out good quality vlogs. Yes, I like story telling. I've also gotten over the fear of writing because I'm reading more. On the writing side, I feel that I just need to refine it. Let's hope that I can work on that because I have a research paper to write starting May or September this year.

On the video side however, filming takes time, but I love it. Once I have a solid time table for life, I'll be able to vlog more often. I convinced my parents to turn my brother's room into a studio (pictures by the end of January once it's all set up). I want that room to be a place when you go in, BAM! You want to get work done.

So at this point, I'm no longer going to wait for something perfect to make . If I have the time to write it, I'll write it, throw in some pictures if needed and hopefully it is good enough for me and to you reading this.

I can't remember if there was a time where I waited for perfection. I have been a perfectionist. It's both a good and bad thing. The good; you know you're work is going to be so good and you're going to be proud of it. The bad; it might take a long time and if you're not in the mood, it may not even come out at all.

I guess that's where I'll end this vlog. I will not talk about resolutions because they are so meh. I did however, find something awesome that Sophia Bush reposted from the instagram account : i am her tribe

You all know by now that I'm not one for making resolutions. I am, however, a big believer in setting intentions. My friends @iamhertribe hit the nail on the head so perfectly today that I'm going to go ahead and repost what they wrote, and wish you all an incredible, focused, narrow & deep, beautiful year ahead. Put your action where your heart is.
・・・
Be easy on yourself.
Don't rush to write down half-hearted resolutions + force accelerated change on your life, all in effort to make the January 1st mark.
Now is a time for reflection. For pausing. For learning. For letting go and transcending.
What is heavy? What is light? What would you like to see shift?
Create an intention, a positive calling, your own personal spark of magic that will manifest itself. All rooted in loving self, then back it all with your action.
#iamhertribe

Happy 2016.